|
|
|||||||
About seventeen years into parenting, parents often become tired. Or maybe it is more worn down. By this time, their kids are driving, making plans on cell phones, and on the go most of their waking hours.
The same questions, asking, "Where are you going?" "When will you be home?"" Who is going to be there?" - have now been asked a thousand times. Even the questions start feeling worn out. The same questions over and over. There are precious few new ways to ask about the kids' plans, so it starts feeling routine at best - and taxing to the relationship at worst. Kids start resenting all the checking -- and claim that other parents aren't this intrusive or demanding.
So, families start feeling isolated. Little by little, parents begin to hesitate asking the questions and instead replace questions with worry, wondering and doubt. Not all parents, but a large enough percentage, start feeling disoriented and alone with what they are expected to do and know. The thought keeps coming up, "Am I the only one?" who is concerned about the parties, road trips, spring break plans, video games, drinking, evening plans, or lack of plans. Many wonder, "Where are the other parents who share these concerns?"
Well, although they may be hard to locate, the parents who are sharing these concerns are out there. They may want privacy, they might use a different vocabulary to express themselves, they may have different values, but there is no doubt they are out there in our community. Many share the sense that the community's present response fails to meaningfully address some significant issues facing our youth. And some are all too aware that, in fact, we are losing.
How big a problem is alcohol and drug use at Orono? Opinions vary on this, but one belief seems to be held consistently. We have a much better chance of making a positive difference if we stand together as a community. Chemical use is a problem that shows up in wonderful families and can become a problem for remarkable kids. A season of life fighting drug and alcohol abuse and dependency is a dark and scary season to which none of us are immune. For the families that have gone through this, it is often a time filled with feelings of being alone and embarrassed. This isolation is unfair and unnecessary. As a community, our silence will condone chemical use, and our talking will confront it. For the sake of all our kids, especially those that are on the fence, lets keep talking. Fighting this on a community level, we will help remind us all that our lives are all interwoven and we all effect each other.
It is important that our young people know we are fighting for them, not just as families, but as a community. It is also important that they not develop false beliefs about the risks and the damage that these behaviors can, and will, inevitably render. When a young person has a positive outcome from a bad decision, they acquire a false belief about that behavior. We hear statements like, "What's wrong -- nothing happened", "It's just fun, no one will get hurt." Each time a young person eludes a consequence, it becomes harder for them to accept the real danger inherent with that course of action. This results in "reverse learning." Reverse learning makes the inevitable lesson farther away and harder to learn.
It is impossible to measure the anguish, harm, loss
and ruined dreams that can be overtly or subtly traced back to drug and alcohol
use. Not just the
tragic accidents, needless treatment, and frightening close calls that we
all fear
-- but also the fights at home, lost opportunities, broken trust, secrets,
missed commitments, and uncharacteristic reactions. Many young people will
later report that 'use' played a major part in many of their most risky
and costly decisions.
A recent survey indicates that 47% of Orono 12th graders
used alcohol in the
past 30 days. It is uncertain how much drug use is occurring, but many
involved with our youth believe drug use has never been higher. The incidence
of
date assault, although under-reported, is no longer an isolated statistic
among
Orono girls. A fall 2002 survey also indicates that the vast majority
of our
residents want the community to take action to help control underage drinking
and drug use.
The police department is a partner in the effort to reduce the use of alcohol and drugs. You can expect to see more of our officers as we are doing our part which is enforcement. We hope that enforcement now will increase Orono youth's opportunities for bright and productive futures. We welcome questions and ideas on how we may better work together from parents, members from the business and faith community, and young people.
|
|